I really like quotes. Since I was a little girl I would write down a quote when I came upon one that I liked. Last night I was going through some books and papers that I had packed away. I found several devotions I wrote in college as well as sermon notes and quotes I had copied. One of them has me thinking (I've been doing a lot of that this vacation) and I thought I should blog about it. I don't know the author, but the quote says, "A woman with a pure heart for God does not focus on what He gives, but delights in who He is. She seeks God's face, not just His hand." I've been reading in Scripture about thankfulness lately. I am a truly blessed woman, but I don't always act like it. I can many times focus on external things instead of focusing on Christ Himself. I think that we as sinful human beings tend to want more. We're not always satisfied with God's blessings in our life, but we desire more blessings. We desire the blessings that we choose. When God doesn't answer or answers in a way we are not satisfied with we can pout and get disgruntled. I've been reminded that God's ways are not our ways. As I read story after story in the Bible I realize more and more that God truly knows best. We can think we have a good grasp on life, but in actuality He who knows the number of hairs on our head knows us better than we even know ourselves. HE knows what's best for us. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't questioned why God has planned for me to go back to Kenya. I've been struggling with returning since I got back to America. I have asked God in prayer why it is that He's sending me back when I have missed home so much. My mind then floods with images of children - both slum children and West Nairobi School children. When I think about the kids I've been able to get close to and minister to I can't imagine being any other place than Kenya. My reasons for staying in America are selfish. It's comfortable here. I am a people person and here I have many friends that I can confide in and that confide in me. I have deep, true friendships. In Kenya I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. I'm aware of the fact that it is during all the lonely months of being away that I've had to lean on the Lord like never before. My relationship with Him has deepened in ways that it couldn't have by staying in my comfort zone. I have been praying for peace about leaving the States and returning to Kenya. I've been praying for a renewed passion for the ministry at West Nairobi School. This morning God answered. I woke up anticipating my return. I have been thinking about the school and what can be done to improve it. I've also been thinking about Emmanuel Baptist Church and the single ladies. There are many unsaved girls that attend. I had become discouraged because they've been attending for a while and not a one has made a decision for Christ. This is where God has been gently telling me that everything happens on HIS time table and not my own. It is not by my persuasion that someone comes to know Christ. It is the Lord at work. How do we go from seeking God to only 'doing' for God? Somehow over time I'd shifted from really seeking His heart to mindlessly serving Him, but justifying that I was okay because it was all in His name. Ministry seems pointless to me if we don't first seek to know Him above all else. Falling at His feet is most important. Keeping appointments with Him is more important than keeping appointments with people. I look forward to returning to Kenya for as long as God has me there. I can't count the number of times I've been asked if I'm staying in Kenya longer than my next two year contract. In all honesty I don't know. I know that for now He has me at West Nairobi School. I plan to delight in the Lord and seek His face. Everything else will fall into place. I'm sure of it. :-)

Safe and Ticketless

The trip to Sarasota was not boring in the least! About an hour or so into our trip we come to this little town along 301 called Citra. We were talking and Melissa didn’t realize the traffic light was changing to red. She zoomed through the intersection just after it changed. This town was very small but ‘fancy’ because of its blue lights above each traffic signal. As we passed under Melissa had noticed blue lights pop on. She said, “What are those blue lights for?” I said, “That’s so cops can tell when someone has run through a red light.” She said, “Oh,” and we both started laughing. Then she realized the person behind her was following extremely close. She moved to the right lane and the vehicle behind us moved over too. Then his red and blue flashing lights came on. Thankfully the cop showed mercy on us and did not give her a ticket. The funniest part of the whole story is that all along 301 she was going either right at the speed limit or under because she was so fearful of getting a ticket. I kept saying the speed limit aloud every time a new speed limit sign came up so she would speed up. On the brighter side of the story the cop was really cute. Too bad I didn’t look for a ring. J/K I don’t pick up random officers. Even though I do like a man in uniform.

On the Road Again....not really

So my friend told me to take her car so I can pack, and pick her up after praise team practice. As I approached the street there was no traffic coming in either direction. I pulled onto the road, and my first thought was, "Am I on the correct side of the road because I'm about to drive around a corner and I can't see the other side?" Thankfully I had pulled out onto the correct side. My heart skipped a beat for a second there.

My friend Melissa and I are driving to Sarasota tonight. We plan to leave at 10 p.m. and arrive at 2 a.m. If you read this before we leave please pray for safety and that we'll stay awake and alert.

Blessed Beyond Measure :-)

Sadly my mind is beginning to gear up for 'work' mode. I may have a few extra weeks in Kenya before school starts, but I know those weeks will fly by.

My time is the States is going by much faster than I anticipated. Tonight I'm going for a sleepover at the home of two of my former students. They are sisters and after the first had me for a 5th grade teacher her parents requested me for the second daughter. Their grandmother was our Room 'Nana" for both years, and I love this woman dearly. The sleepover will be at her home. I have so much fun with these 3 sweet people! The girls are going into 8th and 9th grade next school year. Needless to say they're at an age where they can be super silly, super fun, and super exhausting. :-)

Last night I got to spend time with two friends. One of them is leaving Thursday to go home and start saving money. She plans to go to Morocco at the start of the year to teach English. It was neat to talk one on one with her later in the evening and hear about what God is doing in her life.

I have thoroughly enjoyed all the time I've spent with friends since I've been back!! This coming weekend I get to see 2 brothers and 1 sister. I'm pretty excited about that as well. I am blessed beyond measure!!

Outdoorsy

I must say that one of my favorite things about being 'home' is being able to be outdoorsy. I really like the beach, camping, jogging, biking, etc. If it's outside I probably like it. I've been swimming at a friend's pool several times already. Yesterday I went to the beach with a friend. This morning I went on a 10 mile bike ride. There's a trail not far from where I'm staying, and it's beautiful country scenery the entire time. Jacksonville may be a big city, but it is big enough to have some country too. :-)

I have only been out of school for 3 weeks as of tomorrow, and I have to admit that I am missing routine. I have gotten into the bad habit of going to bed really late then sleeping in in the morning. It's already 11:46 p.m. as I'm typing this sentence. I'm starting to think that maybe I should set some daily routines for myself like getting up and going to bed at the same time. If I got up at 8 or 9 a.m. in Kenya it was because I was so exhausted the night before that I slept in big time. Now I'm rambling. I guess I'm tired. Goodnight to my blog peeps.

Jesus Paid It All

This morning in church we sang a sweet hymn that touched my heart. I have always loved this precious song.

Jesus Paid It All

1. I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”
* Refrain:
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
2. For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.
3. And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.
4. Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.
5. When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.
6. And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

The few weeks before I left Kenya were stressful. I arrived on American soil worn out and weary. I'm slowly recovering from the exhaustion. My time with the Lord has been intimate and fulfilling. This song brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. My strength indeed is small but in Him I can find my all in all! It is His power and His alone that is renewing me daily. When focusing on Christ and all that He has done for me I find that I can conquer any trial that comes my way. Oh how sweet salvation is!

FrIeNdS

My best friend Cheri flew in last night to see me. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my friends? She came to see me for the weekend. We were up really late talking and as I'm writing this entry she's still sleeping. My pastor preached a really good sermon on Sunday. He said one thing that has really stuck out to me. It's caused me to evaluate all the 'friendships' in my life. He said, "you're not friends with somebody if they can't make themselves vulnerable to you." How very true that statement is! I know that I'm close to people because we share things with each other. I have learned over the years that some friendships take time while others happen almost instantaneously. I'm generally a very open person, but when it comes to matters of the heart I don't share those with everyone. I'm actually quite closed toward people I don't feel I can trust or toward those who are closed toward me. Friendship really is a two way street. It can't be one person putting forth effort in the friendship because it just won't work.

It's later in the day now, and I'm getting ready to go out. Two of my friends from college are getting married. I'm extremely happy for them. They are both awesome people who love the Lord. It's been wonderful to see God use them single and I can't wait to see how God uses them as a married couple!

Divided

I find it interesting that when I'm in Kenya I know it's where I'm supposed to be. And yet when I'm back in Florida it seems right too. I guess in Kenya I feel more needed, and in Florida I feel more myself. I'm the same person, but there's something different about me when I'm stateside. I seem more vibrant and full of life. That could be because I'm on vacation and not working. There are pros and cons to both places. I can't say one is better than the other. They're just different.

Updates

I arrived safely on Tuesday evening.

On Wednesday I had breakfast with the principal, vice-principal, and lower division administrator of my former school in the States. They were extremely helpful and gave me a lot of good advice. After breakfast I was able to meet with the lower division administrator for another hour to discuss things and ask questions. I spent the rest of the day hopping from classroom to classroom hanging out with teachers. Then in the evening I went to church. I have really missed my home church a lot. It was great to see and reconnect with people.

On Thursday I stayed home and rested most of the day. I was going to go back to the school but I woke up with a headache and it lasted almost the whole day. I went swimming late afternoon. In the evening I attended the graduation of a girl who was a student in my Sunday school class when I taught 6th grade. It was neat to see many kids in her graduating class that I taught in extended education when they were in the 5th or 6th grade. I felt older needless to say.

On Friday I spent time with several different people. I went to the church office and had a wonderful time sharing stories about life in Africa with some friends. I went to dinner with a good friend and some acquaintances.

Today was the birthday of a friend who is like a father to me. I spent most of the day with him, his wife, and daughter. I am truly blessed by the Lord. Not having parents of my own it seems like God provides substitutes each place I go. These people will never take the place of my real parents, but they sure are wonderful.

One of my goals while I'm home is to 'take a chill pill' so to speak. I plan on relaxing as best I can. Already I can look in the mirror and it seems as though a weight has been lifted and my stress lines are going away. A second goal is to get in shape. I'd like to run a 5K by the end of my stay in the U.S. I used to run before moving to Africa and I miss it quite a bit. I have exercised every day since I've been back in country. Probably the most important goal I have is to deepen my prayer life. I would also like to read several books over the next few weeks.