I really like quotes. Since I was a little girl I would write down a quote when I came upon one that I liked. Last night I was going through some books and papers that I had packed away. I found several devotions I wrote in college as well as sermon notes and quotes I had copied. One of them has me thinking (I've been doing a lot of that this vacation) and I thought I should blog about it. I don't know the author, but the quote says, "A woman with a pure heart for God does not focus on what He gives, but delights in who He is. She seeks God's face, not just His hand." I've been reading in Scripture about thankfulness lately. I am a truly blessed woman, but I don't always act like it. I can many times focus on external things instead of focusing on Christ Himself. I think that we as sinful human beings tend to want more. We're not always satisfied with God's blessings in our life, but we desire more blessings. We desire the blessings that we choose. When God doesn't answer or answers in a way we are not satisfied with we can pout and get disgruntled. I've been reminded that God's ways are not our ways. As I read story after story in the Bible I realize more and more that God truly knows best. We can think we have a good grasp on life, but in actuality He who knows the number of hairs on our head knows us better than we even know ourselves. HE knows what's best for us. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't questioned why God has planned for me to go back to Kenya. I've been struggling with returning since I got back to America. I have asked God in prayer why it is that He's sending me back when I have missed home so much. My mind then floods with images of children - both slum children and West Nairobi School children. When I think about the kids I've been able to get close to and minister to I can't imagine being any other place than Kenya. My reasons for staying in America are selfish. It's comfortable here. I am a people person and here I have many friends that I can confide in and that confide in me. I have deep, true friendships. In Kenya I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. I'm aware of the fact that it is during all the lonely months of being away that I've had to lean on the Lord like never before. My relationship with Him has deepened in ways that it couldn't have by staying in my comfort zone. I have been praying for peace about leaving the States and returning to Kenya. I've been praying for a renewed passion for the ministry at West Nairobi School. This morning God answered. I woke up anticipating my return. I have been thinking about the school and what can be done to improve it. I've also been thinking about Emmanuel Baptist Church and the single ladies. There are many unsaved girls that attend. I had become discouraged because they've been attending for a while and not a one has made a decision for Christ. This is where God has been gently telling me that everything happens on HIS time table and not my own. It is not by my persuasion that someone comes to know Christ. It is the Lord at work. How do we go from seeking God to only 'doing' for God? Somehow over time I'd shifted from really seeking His heart to mindlessly serving Him, but justifying that I was okay because it was all in His name. Ministry seems pointless to me if we don't first seek to know Him above all else. Falling at His feet is most important. Keeping appointments with Him is more important than keeping appointments with people. I look forward to returning to Kenya for as long as God has me there. I can't count the number of times I've been asked if I'm staying in Kenya longer than my next two year contract. In all honesty I don't know. I know that for now He has me at West Nairobi School. I plan to delight in the Lord and seek His face. Everything else will fall into place. I'm sure of it. :-)